Growing old? Rather not.

I sit here and stare at the blinking cursor until I find something exciting I want to write. But then I realized this is MY blog. Everything I write is exciting! I hate to keep telling you, Randy my dear, that things have changed once again. Somethings I don't mind has changed and some I have to remind myself everyday was and is for the best! I FINALLY got the whole best friend thing right. I mean it only took me 17 years of my life. But I think they came in at the perfect time. Skyler, who has of course been there since 7Th grade. We started as basketball buddies, moving on to good friends, to transitioning to amazing best friends who act like sisters. I think that's really all I ever wanted was to have that one person or even two that made me realize when I was being dumb, or to bring me back up when I felt dumb or useless. Along with making me laugh and just being in my life. Then there's Ali. We've become quite close in the past year. I can tell her everything. She knows how to make me laugh. We're just there for each other. My attitude towards things have changed as this past 7 months have passed. Alex and I, even though he was most of everything I was looking for, failed in a relationship. And I will just leave it at that.

I am a senior. This time next year I will be doing either two things; heading off to Basic, or chilling with my best friends the last summer we will have together for awhile. I'm terrified. Absolutely feel like crying my eyes out every time I even think about it. I don't understand how people do it? How can you make the friends you want to keep forever and just up and leave to go on with your life without them. What's the point? My word of advice: if you meet someone who has the potential to be the best friend of your life and you AREN'T going to the same college, stay away. It breaks your heart in the end, when you have to say goodbye.

I will say one thing. I am extremely excited to start my life as a Teacher. Nothing brings more joy to me than knowing that one day I will influence a child to want to be just like me when they grow up. Even if I don't want to grow up myself.

Smile, even at the end.

It's been awhile Randy.

So Randy, my lovely blog, I haven't spoken to you in a long, long time. So many things have changed, I've changed. Remember Nathan? Well, we're no longer together. Too long of a story and I don't wanna get into it. Now...I'm dating Jared Alexander Funk, who goes by Alex. However, I like Jared better, haha. It's been about two months since we've started dating, and about 4 months since I changed. Fall break is when it started. Things happened and people grew apart which brought other people...closer. Nothing worked out in October or November. All I had were Ali Peacock, who is basically the person I tell everything to now, Skyler Stewart, which I'm learning I don't have to try so hard to please her anymore, Jacob Jones, who is just amazing, and ROTC- which has changed everything about me. I became Battalion Commander, which is the highest rank and the person in charge of everyone, after my cousin, who was the Battalion Commander, screwed up with her decision making. Remember Caley? Well, we're still friends, but sometimes she says things or does things that irritates me. I don't play basketball anymore. i changed my career goals slightly. I want to go to Austin Peay State University on the ROTC scholarship, after college go into the Army as an officer for 4 years, then serve IRR for another 4 yeras which means I can become a teacher and only have to keep the Army updated with my address incase of WWIII. Then I can retire from the Army and spend my life as a teacher. I'm actually really scared to go to the Army, but I know I want to do it. So...back to Jared/Alex. He's really great. He reminds me of what I saw that my sister Derricka had when she was dating her husband in High School, and that's what I've always wanted. Oh yeah...didn't I say I've changed aswell. I believe I have become more responsible, assertive, confident (even though I was already border line concieted) and I'm not afraid to tell people what I think. I still try my hardest to please my friends I'm afraid of losing, but with some friends things basically just come natural to us. I smile more.

You don't have to always smile, but always be happy.

(Teenage Agnst) Not to be Taken Strongly;

I don't know. I guess...well I really don't know. I have so many great things in my life- A bestfriend who is always and will always be there, Caley. A boyfriend who is very much so in love with me. Parents who trust, love and adore me. I was blessed with a natural look to where I don't have to wear make-up to look pretty, I don't have to straighten my hair to make it look good and my freckles are cute on me. I have nothing to be depressed about or sad over. And I'm not. I'm perfectly happy. And I truly mean that. Someoen once said to me, "Nothing ever phases you. You're always happy and confident." My friends come to me when they need help. When I want advice or just to talk I come to this. Here are my rants for you, Randy, which is now what I call my blog.

*I hate the feeling of always having to please people.
*I feel like I have to compete for some people's attention, ever since about 2nd grade.
*I hate the way some of my oldest friends turned out.
*I never say what I wanna say.

Hope on Floor 15;

Summer Vacation. The most looked forward to thing about the year. This year I didn't just have the privilege of spending it with the Cook family, My Best friend Skyler "BURR" did as well. It's 4:45 am June 24Th. Time to wake up for the journey ahead of us. The BURR and I take our 15 minutes to get ready, and then we head off to....Waffle House. We all order our meals, my dad and I play around...like always....which made my mother "Mama Cook" to get after us, BURR and I played paper football, my dad complained about the service...as always, and then we left. We headed to....the house. I had forgotten my contact case, solution, and extra contacts...I was trying to rebel. Now it is about 6:10 am. We put a Baby Blue BURR me and Skyler won at the Crane at Kmart, and now we are headed to....Destin Florida!!! Woo Hoo. The ride....was like....it wasn't going to end until we reached the end of the world. We reached Tennessee. At a rest stop BURR and I found a new fetish...Pamphlets!!!!!! We stole big ones, small ones, HUGE ones, and one page pamphlets. As far as we knew these were the things to get s through the agony of a 9 hour drive...which now only about 2 hours was taken up. OH, and the 9 hours is always extended to about 10 or 11, because my mother's bladder is the weakest one in all of the US. We set off on the road again. BURR and I sleep to our IPods, while Mama Cook jams to her satellite radio of "80's on 8" and my Dad is just driving away. We reach the worst, most stupidest state (no offense if you are from here)....Alabama. I hate Alabama. It is soooo long and there's nothing to look it. It's Gay. When we arrive here my throat starts to seriously hurt. Every time I swallow pain rushes down my whole body. We stop at another rest stop in Alabama, you know the one with the huge rocket ship for all of us to gaze at, and we pick up more....PAMPHLETS. We take pictures, we lolly gag, use the bathroom, and then set off for the longest 6 hours in the world. Which of course is about 7 or because of my mom's bladder and of course we have to eat. I was listening to my IPod, and BURR was jamming to the 80's with Mama Cook. As I was listening a song came on that reminded me of the old me. "How Do I Breathe." It took me to the past. I didn't like the past very much. Any who....my throat was killing me and I knew I was just coming down with something. Birmingham. Montgomery. Florola. In Florola there is this stupid Antique store that my mother insist we go to. My throats killing me, I'm afraid I'm about to start my period and the 10 hour drive became 10 hours and 30 minutes. So we reach the Florida line. Still another hour before we hit Destin. I am now getting cold chills and my throat is throbbing. My mom's still jamming, occasionally asking me if I'm OK, my dad is still just driving, and BURR is talking about pamphlets I am sure. ...We finally reach Destin and our Condo...Pelican Beach Resorts. My dad is checking us in, and my mom and BURR are making fun of this family who keeps forgetting to shut their door and losing their son every two seconds while I'm in agonizing pain. We head to our condo 1907 on floor...19! We get ready, well not really, we didn't feel like it, we just put on new clothes, haha. I'm like terribly sick. We go to our favorite restaurant in Florida, Floyd's Shrimp House. We waited like an hour for the table. BURR and Mama Cook are mocking the voice over by the restaurant and my dad is bothering me even though I told him I'm not in the mood. We finally get to our table and our waiter is like...freaking hot. I order my usual. And the rest of the family and BURR order as well. I can't eat at all, except for maybe 3 pieces of my shrimp. I have to rush to the bathroom! It was a false alarm but I still didn't feel any better. Our waiter comes back with his back turned to us and we see a towel hanging out of his back left pocket. And a new catch phrase was invented, "I'd steal his towel." Meaning...He's hot I want him. We leave there and go shopping for food and stuff for the condo. We finally got the drugs, NyQuil and Dayquil. Thank the LORD. We get back to our condo and we take the elevator to the highest floor. As we enter another guy enters as well. I stare...of course. Mama Cook stares at me, and BURR just stares into the abyss trying not to laugh. He gets off on floor 15. The floor we would always remember. When he gets off we bust out laughing in the awe of his amazingly hot-ness. I take my NyQuil and my DayQuil every day now. We go to the beach every morning, come in at 11:30, go back and come back in at 2:45 to get ready for the night ahead of us. Every time we get on the elevator we make a pit stop at floor 15. BURR and Mama Cook gets burnt. My dad and I just get tan. BURR and I continue to scope out the guys at the beach and everywhere else. I got through the whole trip without having my "little visitor" come, which is amazing since that was my week. We wake up 15 minutes before check out so w can gather our stuff and leave Florida. I wasn't excited for the 10 hours ahead of us, however I was excited to be home. We get on the elevator with all of our stuff, including the pamphlets. And we make our last pit stop on floor 15.

Smile forever, smile with a purpose, just smile with me :)

Te Amor

He made me so mad. When he gets upset, for stupid reasons I might add, he shuts me out and doesn't talk what so ever. So I ask a cliche, "What's wrong?" He walks off and says nothing I'm fine. I give up and try to have fun. However, he makes it completely impossible, because being a teenager with a major crush on this boy, well it's all that's on your mind. I make a dramatic exit after we sit there for 30 minutes not speaking. I planned this exit very well, I wasn't just gonna let him think I didn't care or make him think it's ok for him to do this. "This is stupid, I'm going to the car," I pronouce as I perform my well established exit from the quiet scene. He follows like I wanted him too, and well I kinda did...but I didn't want him to know. So there I am, I slam the door shut and kick the glove box. He quietly opens the door and shuts it, WOAH QUIETLY THAT'S A CHANGE FROM THE 30 MINUTES. We're sitting there, I don't look at him, he stares at me. I make a well thought of point, "This isn't any different that a couple of minutes ago." He says...nothing. Woo Hoo, not the reaction I had hoped for. He finally touches my arm and says, "Look I'm sorry for being a jerk." End sentence...still no talking for about 5-10 minutes. I felt no need to apologize, I had every right to be mad at him, and well I also hoped for a little more romantic and I guess cliche apology. You know, from a movie. I always pictured my first "big fight". We'd be in the rain and I say, "Oh My Gosh, you're impossible...what's wrong?" And he screams, "...YOU, you make me love you even when we fight!" And then he would grab my face and give me the hardest, passionate kiss of my life. However, he just sits there and contemplates and...stares. I finally say, "I'd rather you say something stupid, than say nothing at all." I thought that was a good rebutle to his "apology". Then....he sighed. THEN...something I never thought he would ever do, because of his ego of course, he hugged me, and he didn't care that I didn't hug him back untill a couple seconds after his move. The hug probally only lasted a couple of seconds, however, I took it in for about a couple of minutes. After he pulled his hug away, he kissed me. It wasn't the hard, passionte kissed I always imagine. It was soft and gentle, like he honestly meant everything. It wasn't exactly my dream "fight" ending. However, with him it doesn't have to be by the book fairytale cinderella chapters. Because, well...we're writing our own story <3

smile forever, smile with a purpose, just smile with me :)

The Begining;

Hello, my name is Sara Cook. I am new at this blogging thing so bear with me. My life isn't completely all smiles, so do not think I'm so freak who thinks everything is always OK. My life is just a life that needs a smile every now and then to reassure themselves they're are human. I don't know what people usually write about on their blogs, however I have seen some TV shows where the teens keep their own personal blog, so I picked up on some tips here and there. So here's my first topic of this entry- family - I am an aunt, sister, daughter, granddaughter, and cousin. I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew with another on the way. My two heroes are my second oldest sister and my two year old niece. My niece, Lillian, is my rarest star in my universe. -Boyfriend- My boyfriends name is Nathan Riley. We dated once and then broke up after three months. We started dating again March 5 of this year. We just celebrated our 3 months. He isn't perfect, but perfection doesn't appeal to me. I fall for flaws, call me crazy. -Life- I am 16 and I have had my permit for 4 months. I have a car, blue cavalier (coupe). I have a job at Captain D's! -Friends- I have two best friends. One is sorta of an on and off again best friend, because we are so competitive with each other. The other is the person I tell everything and anything to, and I honestly do believe I have told her every dark and deepest secret I have, except for maybe two lol but those aren't very important about anything either. -FEAR- My only two fears are death and the future. _END_ so I can't promise I'll write every day or when something amazing happens. But I will write...I'm leaving with a smile.

Smile forever, smile with a purpose, just smile with me :)